Next year's baked goods are going to suck anyway

The Cookie Fascists have struck again!  Instead of recognizing my greatness and giving me my rightful due (a full supply of cookies next December), they have seen fit to give the Cookie Crown to another, another who was willing to pander to their narrow-minded definitions of "cookie."  I mean OATMEAL COOKIES???  Anybody can do that.

So now I know how it goes: assuming I don't go on strike and boycott next year, I will endeavour to make the most boring, blandest dough-disks imaginable, perhaps even ready-made, rather than the startlingly awesome confections that I made this year.  And I shall no longer listen to blandishments and praise, because these promises of greatness-recognition did not bear fruit.  Fie!

The Cookie Sultanate will have to wait another day because of the infidels.  Infidels, I say.  Infidels who gave out at least five prizes out of NINE contestants, and the name of Námo Mandos not among the winners.  Even the cookies that (might have) had interesting effects on canine digestion won a prize (judging a second-string contest).

One last thing: a big shout-out to the folks and loyal fans at Bread'n'Roses, especially GDK for the brownie recipe.  Y'all get to be sore losers along with me.

Comments

[Jennifer]

I thought you were going to place in the top 3, Mandos, but I guess that was not the way the cookie crumbled.

And although you accused the winning oatmeal cookies of being bland, they were anything but! Not to mention the wicked cardamom ones!

Thanks again for sharing the awesome Egg Sweet with us.

[billy pilgrim]

I said early on, a simple cookie well made is a winner.

Yes, anyone can make an oatmeal cookie. But to make one that stands ABOVE all the previous cookies-of-oat that the eater may have eaten? That takes skill and a quick wit. And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope...

...wait a minnut.... got my pages mixed up here....

Anyway, you get my drift.

Besides, next year is dominated by the Chicago folks, so it's going to be decided by graft and dead voters.

[Kathleen]

I was very jealous that I wasn't a judge this year and thus able to eat Mandos' contributions. Personally I thought they sounded the best (and the PB&J cookie.)

[godammitkitty]

Infidels, indeed! Bah! If it's oatmeal they be wanting, I can hook ye up with a recipe. You can't tell skdadl, though...thar be coconut!

[Pinko Punko]

Kathleen, never mind the chocolate hammer over your head, but I think you know who the real winner was. Need I explain how things came to pass? Perhaps Prime Minister of Baluchistan, Mr. Heyjii Meshbanagonus (silent u) can help us out?

[Mandos]

Hah! Baluchistan's PM is Mohammedmian Soomro.

But this episode shows who my REAL FRIENDS are. My peeps have got my back!

[Kathleen]

the chocolate hammer is like the sword of Damocles.

[Snag]

I don't know, your entry sounded pretty good to me. If you want to send me some I'll award you a prize.

[Mendacious D]

Or you could send a preview batch to the judges of the Mid-Summer Deathmatch Bakeoff of DOOM.

I promise to evaluate them fairly.

[Aveline]

People should read this.