Today I was shopping in a mall which I visit frequently because of its proximity, and I was blissfully walking through the halls which were curiously bedecked with pastel bunting like it was some kind of lavendar Christmas when I chanced upon a truly horrible sight. In place of the Santa Claus that would be there on a normal Christmas, there was a man in a bunny suit. Normal, you say?
Wrong, I say! Since when did the Easter Bunny get his own mall display like Santa Claus so that children could sit on his knee. What's the Easter Bunny supposed to bring on Easter anyway? What do you bring to a crucifixion? Flowers? Condolence cards? And why is a crucifixion coloured pastel?
Worse, this Easter Bunny suit was the most horrendous thing you had ever seen. It had this cruel rictus toothy grin glued onto its frighteningly large face. All it needed was some tentacles dangling from its mouth, and it could have been the Easter Cthulhu. There was a little girl in its presumably necessary pen, pushed in by her naive or psychopathic parents like live food pushed, terrified, into a predator cage, and like the prey, she was pressed up against the cute little fence/prison bars as far away from the monstrous thing as she could go as her parents coaxed and prodded her towards the abomination. I don't blame her. But then she presumably was being offered the privilege of being eaten first.
So the moral of the story is, having live monstrous Easter Bunny displays in malls is an abomination and should be halted forthwith. You took the Nativity, O Consumerism, can't you leave the Crucifixion in peace? And I'm not even Christian.